The conversations that don't need an opening line

There are people in our lives we make small talk with — and then there are the few we don't. The ones where conversation starts deep and stays there. The ones who leave us feeling more ourselves than when we arrived.

Earlier this week, I met my friend Rachelle for dinner.

It was one of those evenings where conversation stretches time. We talked for hours — the kind where you lose track of what you ordered, the restaurant quietly empties, and at some point you realize you’re helping the server clear the table while still deep in conversation. They locked the door behind us when we finally left.

Later that night, Rachelle texted me and said something simple that stayed with me:

“We never do small talk.”

I found myself thinking about that long after. Not just about that evening, but about how rare and meaningful that kind of connection really is.

There are many people we can chat with — about work, the weather, plans, the surface details of life. And those connections matter too. But then there are a few people, usually fewer than we realize, where we can begin in the middle. We can drop straight into what’s real. The questions, the ideas, the uncertainties, the hopes. The conversations can roam across a dozen topics and somehow still feel cohesive, energizing, mutual.

I had a three-hour conversation this week with another dear friend, Jenny, and I noticed the same thing afterward: a sense of being filled rather than depleted. Seen rather than explained. Clarified rather than advised.

It reminded me how essential these relationships are, especially when our lives don’t fit into neat lanes.

When you’re navigating a multi-path life — multiple roles, identities, callings, or seasons — you need spaces where you don’t have to simplify yourself. Where you can think out loud. Where someone else can offer perspective, challenge, encouragement, or simply presence, without needing everything to be tidy or resolved.

These are the people who help us make sense of our lives.

Not by telling us what to do, but by helping us hear ourselves more clearly.

So this week, I’ve been sitting with gratitude — and with a gentle invitation.

Who are the people in your life you don’t make small talk with?

The ones you can go deep with right away.

The ones who leave you feeling more yourself afterward.

And if one of them comes to mind, maybe this is the week to linger a little longer in conversation — and to let them know how much you value and appreciate the place they hold in your life.

With gratitude for the conversations that fill our cup,

Tamara